I love it when people read my blog. Or at least look the the pictures. Or at least hit the URL with their browser. I don’t know if any one actually reads this word vomit or not. But I enjoy living in a fantasy world so let’s pretend they do read it. In fact I’m gonna pretend that you are not only reading this, but that you will actually read the whole thing.
In order to get people to read your blog there are all sorts of tips, tricks and hints out there on the internet, some of which I use some of the time. One trick is to make your blog post a numbered list.
“Ten Ways To Make Your Woman Happy.”
“Five Reasons People Who Can’t Shut Up About Global Warming Don’t Know How To Turn Off A Light Switch When They Leave The Room.”
“The Five Biggest Mistakes People Make When Hiring A Photographer.”
I think you get the idea. So here is my contribution to the noise.
“Five Sleazy Ways To Get People To Read Your Blog Post.”
1. The Numbered List
1a. Make your post a numbered list and and title it something like “Five Sleazy Ways To Get People To Read Your Blog Post.” I had considered saving this for last and making it the punchline, but really? It’s so obvious and pathetic at the same time I decided I should just get it out of the way. You totally saw this coming didn’t you? Of course you did.
1b, I don’t really think that numbered lists are sleazy. In fact I love making numbered lists. I like information formatted as numbered lists. The key word in that sentence is information. Hence the emphasis.
1c. Most of the numbered list blog posts I run across are enumerations of the obvious. If these numbered blog post contained new or even interesting information that would be good. Most of them don’t.
2. Tricking People Into Visiting Your Blog
2a. I see this one on LinkedIn all the time. People post in a forum with some title like “Things You Are Doing Wrong In Your Job Search” or “Reasons I Think Mac Is Better Than PC” and you click on it only to find it’s just a link to their blog post. No other information is in the body of the message.
2b. Posting a link to your own blog in a public forum is lame. Yes I’ve done it before. Posting nothing in your post at all other than a link to your blog post is beyond lame. There is a special circle in hell just for you.
3. Promoting Your Blog While Pretending It’s Not Your Blog
3a. This one happens mostly on Twitter and YouTube. I get messages on YouTube, or run across tweets that say “This video is awesome! You gotta check it out.” or “Best blog post I’ve read in a month. Looking for a job? Gotta read this.”
3b. Now these would be fine except that the person posting the message or sending the tweet is the same person who posted the video or blog post. Making such “awesomeness declaring” comments about someone else’s content if fine. Sending a message or tweet that you have posted content is fine. But sending out a message announcing how amazing your content is as if you were only a viewer/reader and not the creator is beyond lame.
3c. Telling other people you are good is fine. Pretending to be someone other than yourself who is saying you are amazing!!! (exclamation marks included quite often) is beyond lame. In fact I dare say this is douchebag territory.
3d. Did I mention douchebag?
4. Misleading Titles and H1 Tags
4a. Using blog titles that could be interpreted to have a sexual meaning when the post has nothing to do with sex.
4b. Yea. Busted. I’ve done this one as well. One of my blog post is titled “A Girl And Her Toys.” It could be about a girl and her sex toys but it’s not. I can tell you that this trick works to get hits.
4c. I said I don’t like people who use these tactics. I didn’t say I don’t use these tactics.
5. Keyword Stuffing Your Titles and H1 Tags While Having Little or No Content.
5a. Almost the same as number 4, but slightly different. Also like most blog posts which are numbered lists I’m padding this out to make it look like there is more information here than really is here.
5b. If you put “Fort Collins photographer” into Google the second page which comes up at the time I’m writing this is and this page has no content related to what you would expect when searching for “Fort Collins photographer”.
Insert a totally serious note about 5b above. When I started writing this blog post the above was true. Checking Google right now (2 weeks later) it’s not true – but this same photographer still has similar blog posts ranking high on google. I am snarky as hell, but I don’t aim to outright lie when being snarky. Back to being snarky now . . .
5c. Really? This six year old girl is a photographer in Fort Collins? The title of this blog post has nothing to do with the content of the post (unless you count that the photos were take by a photographer who does business in Fort Collins) but (I always give credit where it’s due) it works. She’s the second result in Google for “Fort Collins photographer”. I’m not. And I’m sure as hell not the first result either.
5d. If it’s sleazy but it works . . . is it really sleazy? Or to ask the question another way, if it’s sleazy but it works does it matter that it’s sleazy?
5e. At this point you are saying “Skippy, you are just jealous that your website isn’t second on Google for “Fort Collins photographer”. Well duh . . . No shit Sherlock. Of course I’m jealous.
What sleazy tactic have you used to get people to read your blog and how well did it work?
Speaking of ego. Please like me on Facebook. I am feeling so insecure.